September 13th, 2016 at 2:00am

I was talking on the phone with my parents, and as soon as I said “Bye Mom,” I spotted him. This dashing young man was wearing an elongated shirt with what appeared to be “mom” printed on it. It must have been fate. I stopped him in the middle of a busy street and just stood there admiring the bold sideways lettering skewed across his frontal region, paying no heed to oncoming traffic and basic safety protocol.

These boots had a sort of aura to them, one that demanded fear and respect. With every step he took, he asserted his dominance over the mortal realm, and I felt as if I was but a lowly lackey in his presence. His boots also appeared to be very functional, perfect for even the most brutal of puddles. As I paced circles around him, I found that from every angle I stared at them, I was noticing another add-on that increased these shoes’ utilitarian appeal. Fasteners, buckles and zippers, oh my.

Apart from giving him a mysterious and enigmatic aura, these sunglasses also served a very practical purpose. Ophthalmologists caution that an overexposure to the harmful Ultraviolet (UV) rays of the sun can lead to pterygium, macular degeneration, cataracts and even cancer. UV rays are an electromagnetic radiation that can pass through your cornea and reach the inner parts of your eye, but wearing sunglasses that block 100 percent of these rays will ensure that your peepers stay nice and safe. Consult with an optometrist before purchasing a pair of sunglasses to evaluate whether or not you are getting maximum protection from those sneaky sun rays.