January 16th, 2017 at 2:00am

There he is: That man in that collar that grasps his biceps just enough that it doesn’t look like he’s wearing a child’s medium shirt, but instead a professional polo that signifies that he is up for a casually good time strolling on the beach or going to the park. He probably even has a dog. And not just any dog, but a golden retriever. And it’s a puppy. It’s a three-month-old golden retriever puppy! The perfect man. And the only thing that gave it away was the white polo.

It’s a classic, undeniably. A polo is the casual version of a button up shirt you have to wear to work five days a week. But this polo is different because it is uniquely catered to your past. Your college education is embroidered on your upper left chest! Those were the greatest four years of your life, and you want everyone to know that… especially the high school friend who got into that Ivy League that you only applied to for fun. And if your D1 college was sponsored by Nike like mine is, then you’ll proudly wear that logo on your upper right chest, to signify that you were sober enough that one time to actually make it to a football game, even though your team continuously disappoints you.

Now once you have the polo, you think you’re set. You have the key to a girl’s heart with the golden retriever puppy and the biceps and the whole nine yards right? Nope. The key to men’s fashion is simplicity, which you pair nicely with the aforementioned white polo. Beige khakis, simple white shoes, and a watch. Come on Fashionistas in training! You know by now that I am a sucker for watches. It’s the only form of men’s jewelry that is socially acceptable to spend more than a grand on. And having a watch that has multiple strap options to pair with the face is the key to following the trend of your outfit.

What I am trying to say is that this Fashionisto painfully killed the style game with every single aspect of his outfit. Gentlemen, white polos with a school logo and a perfectly simple watch is the way to my heart. I’ll be in Tucson until May if any of you want to “bump into me” and watch me swoon over your on-point style.